HISTORY of WXPFL SEATTLE EVENTS

WXPFL Championships I –  The Bird wins the championship in a tournament, facing DeeeVious Silvertounge in the finals. Thu. June 25th 2009.

WXPFL Championships II: LEAD POISONING – The Bird defends his title against tournament winner The Lepre-Con. Thu. Sept. 24th 2009.

WXPFL Championships III: BREAKING POINT – The Bird defends his title against tournament winner The Yellow Dragon. Sat. Nov. 7th 2009.

WXPFL Championships IV: PENCILMANIA – The Bird defends his title in a rematch againt The Yellow Dragon, Dan Halligan wins the Pencilmania open audience tournament and becomes The Librarian, and the Asshole Brothers lose to The San Juan Island Savage, but attack him after the match. Thu. Mar. 4th 2010.

WXPFL Championships V: ERASED – The Bird is dethroned by the tournament winner, audience member “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough, The Asshole Brothers vs. The San Juan Island Savage in a Ticonderoga Triple Threat Match is ruled a triple DQ. Thu. May 20th 2010.

WXPFL Championships VI: HOT LEAD – The title is vacated, and Thaddeus P. Skrilla, The Hundred Dollar Man wins the tournament for the championship, Jimmie Asshole vs. The San Juan Island Savage in a Cage Match is ruled a double DQ.  Thu. August 5th 2010.

WXPFL Championships VII: LAST PENCIL STANDING – The Hundred Dollar Man successfully defends his title in a Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match against both the audience and the entire roster. Impressive showings by both “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough and newcomer The Canadian. Fri. December 3rd 2010.

WXPFL Championships VIII: HARD WOOD – Due to popular demand, the Last Pencil Standing match returned, replacing the standard single elimination brackets. Ronald McFondle got the lucky last draw and shocked the world when he took out The Librarian to win the tourney. He then faced Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man” for the WXPFL Championship, but The Hundred Dollar Man triumphed and remains the champion. March 25 2011.

WXPFL Championships IX: UNBROKEN – Two Pencil Pack Challenge elimination tage team matches were featured. Team Asshole (led by The Asshole Brothers) defeated Team Savage (led by The San Juan Island Savage) resulting in the San Juan Island Savage being forced to join the Asshole Brothers Entourage and get an Asshole makeover. Team McFondle Inc. (led by #1 contender Ronald McFondle defeated The Hundred Dollar Team (led by WXPFL Champion The Hundred Dollar Man) resulting in the Hundred Dollar Man losing his Hundred Dollar Fortune to Ronald McFondle. The 2nd annual Pencilmania Open Audience Tournament for a WXPFL contract was won by Jenn Webb with an assist from the penalty pencil of the Yellow Dragon. June 17 2011.

WXPFL Championships X: SPLINTERED – The Last Pencil Standing match has been adopted as the main tournament for the WXPFL, and has been rechristened “The Lottery of Lead” for the tenth WXPFL championships. Many new Gra-Fighters debuted including Coach Stern, PencElvira, Sideshow Ben The Human Pencil Box and the return of 80’s Pencil Fighting legend The Graphite Sheik. We saw the transformation of The San Juan Island Savage into an Asshole after he was forced to join the Asshole Brothers. The main event was changed at the last minute and Thaddeus P. Skrilla was forced to meet the “Asshole Beater” Adam Chesbrough, winner of the Lottery of Lead, and in a shocking upset, Asshole Beater is your new WXPFL Champion! November 17, 2011.

WXPFL Thursday Night Pencil Fights debuts as a regular monthly show at The Re-Bar in Seattle, and a new era in Extreme Pencil Fighting begins! February 16, 2012.

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(PENCIL) Breaking News: Thaddeus P. Skrilla is new WXPFL Champion!

At WXPFL VI: HOT LEAD, a new champion was crowned, the richest man in Pencil Fighting and close friend of Silas Ticonderoga IV, Thaddeus P. Skrilla – The Hundred Dollar Man!

During the semis, both the Hundred Dollar Man and audience member The Annihilator broke their pencils simultaneously, but referees ruled that since Skrilla’s pencil broke during his strike, and not defense, that he would move on to the finals against The Librarian, but would have to use the longer end of his now broken pencil.

Though Skrilla’s pencil was a battered stub, The Librarian’s pencil was also severely damaged after a vicious fight earlier against the returning Yellow Dragon, that Skrilla was able to eke out another victory to become the champion! It reamins to be seen if the WXPFL will allow Skrilla to use the same sliver of pencil to defend his title at WXPFL VII. 

The feud between The Asshole Brothers and The San Juan Island Savage escalated during the first-ever WXPFL Cage Match, as Jimmie Asshole’s attempt to interfere led to both brothers entangled in a chinese finger trap and pummeled by the Savage. Yet another double disqualification was ruled, and the WXPFL has warned both camps that further mayhem may remove them from the rankings entirely.

Former longtime WXPFL champion The Bird declined to participate in the tournament, invoking a clause in his contract that would allow him to face “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough in a pre-tournament match for #1 contendership and a title shot to be taken immediately following the main tournament at WXPFL VII.

“Big Time” Bill Bates has had his suspension lifted as a requirement of the ongoing sexual harassment suit brought against WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV by Bill Bate’s cousin “Cruel” Summer. He did not adance in the tournament however.

WXPFL Championships VI: HOT LEAD Thursday August 5th at The Funhouse

(PENCIL) BREAKING NEWS –
Pabst Blue Ribbon presents:

WXPFL Pencil Fighting Championships VI: HOT LEAD

at The Funhouse in Seattle – Thursday August 5th 9pm – featuring live music by WARNING: DANGER!

Confusion has reigned over the last week as the current WXPFL Champion “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough was suspended by WXPFL Officials for using a body-enhancing steroid OTHER than WXPFL Sponsor Buff Nuxx.

So WXPFL Owner Silas Ticonderoga IV has vacated the title, and now the tournament will be direct shot at the championship, all you gotta do is beat the most dangerous pros in the business!

Starting at 9pm is the WXPFL Tournament pitting WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighters vs. randonly drawn audience members in a battle for prizes, trophy, glory, and a shot at the vacant WXPFL championship.

Audience members will battle the roster of WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighting Superstars…, The Bird, The Yellow Dragon, Ronald McFondle, The Librarian, Thaddeus P. Skrilla – The Hundred Dollar Man and more!

PLUS: Special challenge match:

At WXPFL V, The San Juan Isalnd Savage regained his sacred JuJu Bone, but the vendetta between the Asshole Brothers and the Savage is not over yet!

THE ASSHOLE BROTHERS vs. HIGH CHIEF ANAKORTES ORKAS – THE SAN JUAN ISLAND SAVAGE in a dangerous CAGE MATCH!

Live Music by WARNING: DANGER!

Hosted by Prof. Jake Stratton (BloodHag, Rat City Rollergirls, SST)
and Don “Beauty” Rumble.

Sponsored by

Pabst Blue Ribbon, The Rat City Rollergirls, Archie McPhee, Dungeons and Dragons, Scarecrow Video, Pierced Hearts Tattoo & Piercing, Sin In Linen, Dixon/Ticonderoga Pencils and Buff Nuxx weight gain powder.
THURSDAY AUGUST 5th at THE FUNHOUSE
WXPFL VI: HOT LEAD
$7 21+ 8pm doors/9pm…Pencil Fight!
The Funhouse 206 5th ave. N. Under the Space Pencil, I mean, Needle.
  

To see the rules of Extreme Pencil Fighting and find out more about this proud and ancient sport, go to http://www.pencilfightingwriting.wordpress.com

WXPFL V: ERASED – 5/20/10 at The Funhouse

(PENCIL) BREAKING NEWS – WXPFL V: ERASED will be at The Funhouse in Seattle – Thursday May 20th 9pm

The show so far….

Starting at 9pm is the WXPFL Tournament pitting WXPFL Superstars vs. randonly drawn audience members in a battle for cash, prizes, trophy, glory, and most importantly, and immediate shot at the WXPFL Championship!
The same championship currently held by the most dangerous and outspoken man in the sport, 4-time champ THE BIRD!

Going for the Bird’s trophy are the members of the roster of WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighting Superstars…, Mick Finster The Lepre-Con, DeeeVious Silvertounge, Ronald McFondle, Thaddeus P. Skrilla – The Hundred Dollar Man and more!

Recently added to the tournament is a former WPFL champion, a true living legend, and one of the biggest stars of 80’s Gra-Fighting: THE PENULTIMATE WARRIOR
Does he still have what it takes to swing cedar with the young blood?

Also, the winner of the Pencilmania Open Audience Tournament, Dan “Ten Things” Halligan, now rechristened DUE DATE DAN – THE LIBRARIAN!

Also, this just announced:
One of the legends of the Rat City Rollergirls, the former commander of The Throttle Rockets and a mistress of the Dark Side of Sports….DARTH SKATER!

PLUS: Special challenge match:

Both of THE ASSHOLE BROTHERS vs. HIGH CHIEF ANAKORTES ORKAS – THE SAN JUAN ISLAND SAVAGE in a first-time-ever TICONDEROGA TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!

Live Music by “The Sound of Pencil Fighting”: LESBIAN

DJ BOBCAT spins non-stop Metal all night!

Hosted by Prof. Jake Stratton (BloodHag, Rat City Rollergirls, SST)
and Don “Beauty” Rumble.

Sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon, Rat City Rollergirls, Fantagraphics Books, Scarecrow Video, Pierced Hearts Tattoo Parlor, Puffin Glass Studio, Dixon/Ticonderoga, and Buff Nuxx Weight-Gain Powder!

THURSDAY MAY 20th at THE FUNHOUSE
WXPFL V: ERASED
$7 21+ 8pm doors/9pm…Pencil Fight!

As always, get to know more about Pencil Fighting at www.pencilfightingwriting.wordpress.com

WXPFL Official Pro Gra-Fighter Rankings 2/17/12

World Extreme Pencil Fighting League Official Rankings as of February Seventeenth, Two-Thousand Twelve.

WXPFL Champion: Harry Balls

Championship contenders:

1.  Valtron 3000

2.  Thaddeus P. Skrilla

3.  Ronald McFondle

4.  The Librarian

5.  High Chief Anakortes Orkas – The San Juan Island Savage

6.  Jimmie Asshole

7.  Balls Deep

8.  The Yellow Dragon

9.  Captain Canadian

10. Sir Eddie Van Glam

CONTENDER NOTES 2/17/12

Debuting Pro Valtron 3000 knocked the San Juan Island Savage out of the final spot in the Lottery of Lead and is slated to face Harry Balls at the March edition of WXPFL Thursday Night Pencil Fights. PencElvira after a strong debut in 2011 was knocked out of the top ten by the debut of “The King of Boylesque” Sir Eddie Van Glam. Rumors abound of WXPFL scouts looking to recruit audience member C-Dipp after another strong showing. The Bird was once again detained with visa issues attempting to fly from Matamoras, and his cancellation has dropped him from the top ten for the first time in three years.

CONTENDER NOTES 2/10/12

The audience member who fought under the name “Asshole Beater” and went on to become the WXPFL champion, has been revealed to be Harry Balls, the brother of Balls Deep. Harry was a successful porn screenwriter until last year, when he was replaced by a webcam.

In an attempt to start fresh in the new monthly format, there will be no title match at the debut monthly show on Feb. 16th, and the winner of the Lottery of Lead tournament will win a title shot against the WXPFL champion at the following event in March. The debut show main events will be WXPFL champion Harry Balls teaming with his brother Balls Deep as The Balls Brothers in a tag team grudge match against The Asshole Brothers and former champion Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man” facing Ronald McFondle in a “Pencils Break Anywhere” match, with the “Hundred Dollar Fortune” on the line.

CONTENDER NOTES 11/18/11

The main event scheduled was altered at the last second by Silas Ticonderoga IV, having Ronald McFondle arrested and declaring that the winner of the Lottery of Lead would face Thaddeus P. Skrilla for the title. Audience member “Asshole Beater” Adam Chesbrough beat Jimmie Asshole to win the tournament, and went on to beat Skrilla for the title! PencElvira’s record making 7 eliminations in the Lottery of Lead has skyrocketed her into the top ten. Bill Bates has left Pencil Fighting to pursue other interests. We wish Bates good fortune in his future endeavors.

CONTENDER NOTES 7/18/11

No title was on the line during the two Pencil Pack challenge matches, so no change in rankings was observed. Audience member Jenn Webb won the second annual Pencilmania open audience tournament for a WXPFL contract.

CONTENDER NOTES 3/26/11:

RISES: The Last Pencil Standing tournament replaced the single elimination tournament for WXPFL VIII: HARD WOOD, and Ronald McFondle won it. He then lost his bid for the championship belt against standing champion The Hundred Dollar Man. This lucky shot for McFondle skyrocketed him up the rankings to #1 contender.

Balls Deep, accompanied by his consort Fellatia the Fluffer, gyrated to a three-win streak, maintaining his lofty perch in the rankings, but he was eliminated by Jimmie Asshole, who seemed just as surprised as everyone else. This drug Jimmie out of the bottom of the rankings, and has split the Assholes up in the rankings for the first time ever. A good showing late in the tourney by The Librarian keeps him at a solid #3.

FALLS: Bad luck struck The Yellow Dragon, as she was drawn first and eliminated by an audience member. No-shows by The Canadian and The Bird dropped them down the rankings, and another no-show by The Penultimate Warrior and yet another arrest and subsequesnt no-show by Mick Finster The Lepra-Con kept them out of the rankings altogether. “Big Time” Bill Bates returned,  but was quickly eliminated in one round.

DEBUTS: New Pro Gra-Fighters debuted, but neither The Burlzerquer, Gary The Gloryhole or “One Eye” Jack McCyclops advanced far enough to make the top ten rankings.

CONTENDER NOTES 12/4/10:

“Big Time” Bill Bates was detained at the airport returning from Hollywood after refusing to go through the full body scanner, and was unable to make the Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match. This no-show at the biggest event of the year has penalized Bates, dropping him down to the bottom of the rankings.

The newest hire of the International Talent Search The Canadian wowed the crowd with a polite but lengthy streak of wins, dominating the middle stretch of the Last Pencil Standing tournament. This impressive debut has catapulted him up the rankings from unranked to #6, making his the highest ranking debut of any pencil fighter since the WPFL changed to the WXPFL.

The Asshole Brothers forced their entourage into the Last Pencil Standing match, with Swami Pervii Slurpii and their new lawyer Morty Manischevitz also participating and promising to give the title to the Assholes if they won. None of the Assholes or entourage managed to advance, however.

Mick Finster “The Lepre-Con” was sentenced to three to five years in a Parisian prison for performing a series of lewd acts with baguettes, and has been removed from the active roster.

“Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough returned from his suspension, and beat many top competitors in a row at Last Pencil Standing, beating top opponents with a single strike, including the also returning rival The Bird. The final draw to face him was reigning champ Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man”, who was warned repeatedly about attempted rules violations, keeping Balls Deep off balance enough to survive the first strike, then following it up with a single devastating strike of his own, and walking away with the new WXPFL championship belt.

CONTENDER NOTES 8/4/10:

Big time news for “Big Time” Bill Bates! Due to the sexual harrassment suit brought against WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV by Bill Bates’ cousin Summer, the WXPFL governing body has agreed to lift the suspension of Bill Bates and allow him to return to active Gra-Fighting at WXPFL Championships VI: HOT LEAD!

CONTENDER NOTES 7/29/10:

WXPFL Champion “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough was suspended by WXPFL Officials for using a body-enhancing steroid OTHER than WXPFL Sponsor Buff Nuxx. WXPFL Owner Silas Ticonderoga IV has vacated the title, and now the WXPFL VI: HOT LEAD tournament will be direct shot at the championship.
CONTENDER NOTES 5/5/10:

DeeeVious Silvertounge has been indefinitely suspended for his attack on referee Rolff Matthias.

“Cruel” Summer has assumed the remaining contract of her suspended cousin “Big Time” Bill Bates, thanks to an obscure clause found in the WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighter contract.

The Penultimate Warrior has several appearances remaining on his contract, but since he was eliminated in the first round of the WXPFL V Tournament, he did not make it into the top ten contenders.

Balls Deep won the tournament, and went on to defeat The Bird for the WXPFL Championship. A rematch contract is being drawn up for WXPFL VI.

Extreme Pencil Fighting Rules

EXTREME PENCIL FIGHTING RULES:

Two challengers face off, each armed with a regulation wooden pencil taken from a factory-sealed pack.

The only recognized regulation competition pencil is the Dixon/Ticonderoga #2 yellow – graphite core, cedar shaft, latex eraser with aluminum stay.

The pencil may not be sharpened or altered in any way prior to initial combat.

A Pink Pearl Eraser flip determines which fighter strikes first.

The loser of the eraser flip becomes the “Defender” and holds his or her pencil between both hands in a horizontal position.

The winner of the eraser flip becomes the “Striker”, holding their pencil vertically and bringing the pencil down in a strike across the opponent’s pencil with full force, attempting to break it in two.

If the Defender’s pencil does not break from the Striker’s attempt, then it becomes the Defender’s turn to strike.
This repeats until one player’s pencil breaks in two and cannot continue.

If a pencil is cracked, but not fully broken in two, referee determines whether said pencil can continue.

If both pencils break during a strike, victory goes to the striker.

TIME LIMIT RULE – If neither competitor’s pencil breaks before the announcers get bored, the announcers will impose an arbitrary number of strikes before the end of the round. At the end of the round, each player will get one penalty shot with the penalty pencil of their choice, with a pink pearl eraser flip to determine who strikes first.
If by this point neither competition pencil is broken, the referees will declare a winner based on style, aggression and pencil control.

STRIKING RULES:

The striker may position their striking hand as they like, and may hold the eraser end up or down, but the exposed striking area of the pencil must be a minimum of 2 1/2 inches.

(Ex: If the eraser end is pointed up, the striking hand must not cover past the “A” in Ticonderoga.)

Striker must not have more than one hand on their pencil at point of contact. Using more than one hand during a strike is a major penalty (see Offensive Bracing).

The striking pencil must be swung or flicked in an attempt to be horizontal at point of contact. Holding the pencil vertically and pounding,  attempting to make contact with the flat of the eraser or unsharpened end  (aka “The Piledriver”), may result in major penalty or disqualification.

FOULS:

PENALTY STRIKES – If either player commits a FOUL (whether a Major Penalty or a Minor Penalty) during a turn the referee may award a free PENALTY STRIKE.

PENALTY PENCILS:  The free strike may be taken with ANY pencil from the striker’s pencil bag.
These pencils are known as “Penalty Pencils” and are allowed to have ANY alteration the competitor deems necessary, but MUST have originally been and continue to be some manner of working wooden pencil. No pens, mechanical pencils, rubber or plastic-fused pencils allowed.

MAJOR PENALTIES:
Penalty strikes may be awarded for the following fouls at the referee’s discretion:

Dropping the pencil – either defending or striking, don’t ever drop your pencil.

Dipping – Lowering or dropping one end of the defending pencil during the striker’s swing.

Defensive Bracing aka “Bridging” – Using the fingers or thumbs to support the defending pencil within the exposed strike zone during the strike.

Offensive Bracing aka “Chopping” – Using the fingers or thumb to excessively support the attacking pencil during the strike. (see Striking Grip)

Stalling – Only 30 seconds are allowed between strikes.

Grip Shifting – Using the hands to reduce the potential strike zone is allowed, but the strike zone may not be smaller than three pencil widths (approx. 1 inch). You can change your grip from strike to strike, but changing your grip during the upswing of the opponent’s strike is a major penalty.

Illegal use of hands – Touching the opponent’s body in any way other than striking the hands with a pencil during regular match play is a major penalty.

MINOR PENALTIES:

Cumulative Minor Penalties aka The Bloody Knuckle Rule –  A fighter can accumulate up to FIVE minor penalties, one for each knuckle. The FIFTH minor penalty triggers an automatic major penalty and a free penalty strike for the opponent. If the penalized fighter’s pencil survives the penalty strike, his bloody knuckle count restarts at zero and the fight continues.

Knuckle Strikes – The most common minor penalty is the deliberate or accidental striking of  the opponent’s knuckles or hand. If the referee feels the knuckle strike was deliberate or egregious, they may call it a major penalty and assign an automatic penalty strike.

Missing outright aka “Whiffing” – Managing to miss your opponent’s pencil with your strike is a minor penalty, and is added to your cumulative minors.

TOURNAMENT PLAY RULES:

All rules of regular Extreme Pencil Fighting are observed. The pencil the fighter chooses at the start of his first match MUST be the same pencil that is used throughout the entire tournament.

The tournament may contain any number of competitors or rules variations. As of 1/19/2012, the contendership for the WXPFL Championship is determined by The Lottery of Lead Tournament.

Lottery of Lead Match Rules: Two fighters begin the match, each drawing a new pencil from an unopened pack of 24. When one fighter is beaten, a new fighter comes in, until 12 fighters have battled it out. Audience members will compete, as well as eligible stars of the full roster of WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighters. Entry order is determined by random drawing during the match.

Double-break tournament rule: In case of a double break during a strike, victory goes to the striker. However, the victor may only advance in the tournament if their pencil is 3/4 intact or greater, with final decision of pencil’s fighting condition resting with the referee’s discretion.

The Championship Belt: Winner is declared WXPFL Pencil Fighting Champion, the winner’s pencil is placed in the belt, and the belt is kept by the WXPFL champion until his next defense. The same championship pencil stored in the belt must be used to defend the title.

Pencilmania Open Audience Tournament: The Open Audience Tournament contains 8 amateur Gra-Fighters. If competitors don’t bring their own penalty pencil, an arsenal of penalty pencils will be provided to choose from.

All competitors choose a pencil at the start of play and  must use the same pencil throughout the tournament. If you win your matches, you advance  through the tournament to the finals. Winner of the tournament wins a tournament trophy, prizes from WXPFL sponsors, cash prize, and a contract to become a WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighting Megastar and be featured in future WXPFL events.


Brief WXPFL hype and Pencil fighting history aka “Back of the DVD box”

Pencil fighting started in the schoolyards, but most experienced Pencil fighters dropped the sport upon graduation. Only the truly dedicated went on to the Pro Leagues and risked all for the chance to call themselves champion. Many organizations and leagues formed, each claiming to be home to the real Pencil Fighting champion…UPF…WCCPFC…WWPFW, but the true fan’s choice and gold standard for Pencil Fighting was always the WPFL. In 1995 longtime WPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga III sold the company to his oldest son Silas Ticonderoga IV, who took it to the “Extreme” and rechristened it WXPFL. This move angered and alienated longtime fans, but opened up Pencil fighting to a whole new generation of young fans. These Extreme Pencil Fighters – now called “Gra-fighters” – are now touring the world and bringing the splintered wood and bloody knuckles of Pro Pencil Fighting straight to you!

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