Once again, we are super late with the update, but around here we like to let the news steep for awhile to bring out the flavor.
So where were we? WXPFL X: SPLINTERED. The tenth WXPFL Championships. The final event of 2011, and the final big event before WXPFL goes monthly!
Yes, before anything else I want to proudly announce that the WXPFL Championships will become a monthly event, on the third thursday of every month starting Thurs. Feb. 16th, only at The Re-Bar in Seattle. Advance tickets available from Brown Paper Tickets http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/227735, and please check out the facebook event for more details: https://www.facebook.com/events/256187597785738/
The events of SPLINTERED certainly set a dramatic stage for our debut show at the Re-Bar.
First, the scheduled Iron Pencil rematch between Thaddeus P. Skrilla and Ronald McFondle was postponed, as Ronald McFondle was a no-show. WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV surprised everyone by appearing at the show, and announcing that McFondle’s absence was caused by his arrest by police in connection with the Jerry Sandusky sex scandal, and that the Clown Prince of WXPFL was being held in a Pittsburgh jail for questioning. Ticonderoga declared that their rematch would be rescheduled for the debut WXPFL monthly show in January, and would now be a “Pencils Break Anywhere” match. He also declared that since Skrilla had no match that night, that he would defend the title immediately against whoever won the Lottery of Lead tournament.
The Lottery of Lead tournament was a wild affair, with debuting Pro PencElvira setting a WXPFL record, with 7 fighters eliminated, but it wasn’t enough to make it into the final round, and to everyone’s surprise, it was Jimmie Asshole of the Asshole Brothers awaiting the final draw. But Jimmie had one more fighter to face, and it turned out to be an audience member – and that audience member turned out to be the brother of former WXPFL Champion Balls Deep! He claimed his name was “Asshole Beater” and proceeded to do just that, and as Jimmie Asshole’s pencil broke, the Asshole swore revenge.
The night wasn’t over for Asshole Beater though, as he still had to face longtime WXPFL Champion Thaddeus P. Skrilla for the title belt. Skrilla was cocky after dodging McFondle’s title shot earlier, and fully expected to run right over the amateur. But Asshole Beater had other plans and after a fierce contest, added Skrilla Beater to his name, and was hoisted up onto the shoulders of the other Gra-Fighters as their new WXPFL Champion!
UPDATE: Silas Ticonderoga has announced the matches for the debut episode of WXPFL at the Re-Bar. Instead of a title defense, Asshole Beater must team with his brother Balls Deep to battle Joey and Jimmie, The Asshole Brothers in the first ever official WXPFL tag team match. Asshole Beater will get a break from defending his title until March, when he will defend it against the winner of February’s Lottery of Lead tournament. The rematch between Ronald McFondle and Thaddeus P. Skrilla will take place as a dangerous Pencils Break Anywhere match, where normal rules of Pencil Fighting do not apply. The “Hundred Dollar Fortune” is on the line.