WXPFL VII Report

“Big Time” Bill Bates was detained at the airport returning from Hollywood after refusing to go through the full body scanner, and was unable to make the Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match. This no-show at the biggest event of the year has penalized Bates, dropping him down to the bottom of the rankings.

The newest hire of the International Talent Search The Canadian wowed the crowd with a polite but lengthy streak of wins, dominating the middle stretch of the Last Pencil Standing tournament. This impressive debut has catapulted him up the rankings from unranked to #6, making his the highest ranking debut of any pencil fighter since the WPFL changed to the WXPFL.

The Asshole Brothers forced their entourage into the Last Pencil Standing match, with Swami Pervii Slurpii and their new lawyer Morty Manischevitz also participating and promising to give the title to the Assholes if they won. None of the Assholes or entourage managed to advance, however.

Mick Finster “The Lepre-Con” was sentenced to three to five years in a Parisian prison for performing a series of lewd acts with baguettes, and has been removed from the active roster.

“Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough returned from his suspension, and beat many top competitors in a row at Last Pencil Standing, beating top opponents with a single strike, including the also returning rival The Bird. The final draw to face him was reigning champ Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man”, who was warned repeatedly about attempted rules violations, keeping Balls Deep off balance enough to survive the first strike, then following it up with a single devastating strike of his own, and walking away with the new WXPFL championship belt.

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