(PENCIL) BREAKING NEWS!
WXPFL officials, led by head referee Rolff Matthias, have thoroughly examined the winning pencil of Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man”, and have determined that it is so damaged that it cannot continue in active play, and Skrilla will be unable to use it to defend his title at WXPFL VII.
This led to a heated closed-door meeting between WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV and a swarm of attorneys representing not just Skrilla, but also the other top contendersand claimants for the title: “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough, who won the title, but was stripped of it before he could defend it, The Bird, who has a rematch clause in his contract that has yet to be realized, as well as the current #1 contender The Librarian, who claims that Skrilla’s pencil should have never even been allowed to advance in the last tournament.
Early this morning, Ticonderoga has released this statement:
“I’m sure everybody’s aware of the controversial situation surrounding the WXPFL championship right now. After listening to lawyers jabber for an eternity, I finally realized the answer to our mutual problem. I’ve decided that the title will be put on the line at WXPFL VII in a Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match.”
He then detailed the rules of the Last Pencil Standing match: Two fighters face off, each drawing a fresh pencil from an upopened pack of 24. When one fighter is beaten, he’s replaced by another immediately, using both random audience members and the entire WXPFL roster, until 24 fighters have competed. The entry order of the WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighters will be chosen by a random drawing. The Hundred Dollar Man will enter the match as the champion, but his entry order will be random like everyone else’s, and he will draw a new pencil like everyone else. Standard rules of Extreme Pencil Fighting apply.
This promises to make WXPFL VII fast paced and full of surprises. WXPFL VII: LAST PENCIL STANDING is scheduled for Friday December 3rd, 10pm at The Rendezvous Jewelbox Theatre in Seattle.