Official decision DQ’s Skrilla’s pencil! Ticonderoga declares LAST PENCIL STANDING!

(PENCIL) BREAKING NEWS!

WXPFL officials, led by head referee Rolff Matthias, have thoroughly examined the winning pencil of Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man”, and have determined that it is so damaged that it cannot continue in active play, and Skrilla will be unable to use it to defend his title at WXPFL VII.

This led to a heated closed-door meeting between WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV and a swarm of attorneys representing not just Skrilla, but also the other top contendersand claimants for the title: “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough, who won the title, but was stripped of it before he could defend it, The Bird, who has a rematch clause in his contract that has yet to be realized, as well as the current #1 contender The Librarian, who claims that Skrilla’s pencil should have never even been allowed to advance in the last tournament.

Early this morning, Ticonderoga has released this statement:

“I’m sure everybody’s aware of the controversial situation surrounding the WXPFL championship right now. After listening to lawyers jabber for an eternity, I finally realized the answer to our mutual problem. I’ve decided that the title will be put on the line at WXPFL VII in a Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match.”

He then detailed the rules of the Last Pencil Standing match: Two fighters face off, each drawing a fresh pencil from an upopened pack of 24. When one fighter is beaten, he’s replaced by another immediately, using both random audience members and the entire WXPFL roster, until 24 fighters have competed.  The entry order of the WXPFL Pro Gra-Fighters will be chosen by a random drawing. The Hundred Dollar Man will enter the match as the champion, but his entry order will be random like everyone else’s, and he will draw a new pencil like everyone else. Standard rules of Extreme Pencil Fighting apply.

This promises to make WXPFL VII fast paced and full of surprises. WXPFL VII: LAST PENCIL STANDING is scheduled for Friday December 3rd, 10pm at The Rendezvous Jewelbox Theatre in Seattle.

HISTORY of WXPFL SEATTLE EVENTS

WXPFL Championships I –  The Bird wins the championship in a tournament, facing DeeeVious Silvertounge in the finals. Thu. June 25th 2009.

WXPFL Championships II: LEAD POISONING – The Bird defends his title against tournament winner The Lepre-Con. Thu. Sept. 24th 2009.

WXPFL Championships III: BREAKING POINT – The Bird defends his title against tournament winner The Yellow Dragon. Sat. Nov. 7th 2009.

WXPFL Championships IV: PENCILMANIA – The Bird defends his title in a rematch againt The Yellow Dragon, Dan Halligan wins the Pencilmania open audience tournament and becomes The Librarian, and the Asshole Brothers lose to The San Juan Island Savage, but attack him after the match. Thu. Mar. 4th 2010.

WXPFL Championships V: ERASED – The Bird is dethroned by the tournament winner, audience member “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough, The Asshole Brothers vs. The San Juan Island Savage in a Ticonderoga Triple Threat Match is ruled a triple DQ. Thu. May 20th 2010.

WXPFL Championships VI: HOT LEAD – The title is vacated, and Thaddeus P. Skrilla, The Hundred Dollar Man wins the tournament for the championship, Jimmie Asshole vs. The San Juan Island Savage in a Cage Match is ruled a double DQ.  Thu. August 5th 2010.

WXPFL Championships VII: LAST PENCIL STANDING – The Hundred Dollar Man successfully defends his title in a Last Pencil Standing gauntlet match against both the audience and the entire roster. Impressive showings by both “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough and newcomer The Canadian. Fri. December 3rd 2010.

WXPFL Championships VIII: HARD WOOD – Due to popular demand, the Last Pencil Standing match returned, replacing the standard single elimination brackets. Ronald McFondle got the lucky last draw and shocked the world when he took out The Librarian to win the tourney. He then faced Thaddeus P. Skrilla “The Hundred Dollar Man” for the WXPFL Championship, but The Hundred Dollar Man triumphed and remains the champion. March 25 2011.

WXPFL Championships IX: UNBROKEN – Two Pencil Pack Challenge elimination tage team matches were featured. Team Asshole (led by The Asshole Brothers) defeated Team Savage (led by The San Juan Island Savage) resulting in the San Juan Island Savage being forced to join the Asshole Brothers Entourage and get an Asshole makeover. Team McFondle Inc. (led by #1 contender Ronald McFondle defeated The Hundred Dollar Team (led by WXPFL Champion The Hundred Dollar Man) resulting in the Hundred Dollar Man losing his Hundred Dollar Fortune to Ronald McFondle. The 2nd annual Pencilmania Open Audience Tournament for a WXPFL contract was won by Jenn Webb with an assist from the penalty pencil of the Yellow Dragon. June 17 2011.

WXPFL Championships X: SPLINTERED – The Last Pencil Standing match has been adopted as the main tournament for the WXPFL, and has been rechristened “The Lottery of Lead” for the tenth WXPFL championships. Many new Gra-Fighters debuted including Coach Stern, PencElvira, Sideshow Ben The Human Pencil Box and the return of 80’s Pencil Fighting legend The Graphite Sheik. We saw the transformation of The San Juan Island Savage into an Asshole after he was forced to join the Asshole Brothers. The main event was changed at the last minute and Thaddeus P. Skrilla was forced to meet the “Asshole Beater” Adam Chesbrough, winner of the Lottery of Lead, and in a shocking upset, Asshole Beater is your new WXPFL Champion! November 17, 2011.

WXPFL Thursday Night Pencil Fights debuts as a regular monthly show at The Re-Bar in Seattle, and a new era in Extreme Pencil Fighting begins! February 16, 2012.