(PENCIL) Breaking News: Thaddeus P. Skrilla is new WXPFL Champion!

At WXPFL VI: HOT LEAD, a new champion was crowned, the richest man in Pencil Fighting and close friend of Silas Ticonderoga IV, Thaddeus P. Skrilla – The Hundred Dollar Man!

During the semis, both the Hundred Dollar Man and audience member The Annihilator broke their pencils simultaneously, but referees ruled that since Skrilla’s pencil broke during his strike, and not defense, that he would move on to the finals against The Librarian, but would have to use the longer end of his now broken pencil.

Though Skrilla’s pencil was a battered stub, The Librarian’s pencil was also severely damaged after a vicious fight earlier against the returning Yellow Dragon, that Skrilla was able to eke out another victory to become the champion! It reamins to be seen if the WXPFL will allow Skrilla to use the same sliver of pencil to defend his title at WXPFL VII. 

The feud between The Asshole Brothers and The San Juan Island Savage escalated during the first-ever WXPFL Cage Match, as Jimmie Asshole’s attempt to interfere led to both brothers entangled in a chinese finger trap and pummeled by the Savage. Yet another double disqualification was ruled, and the WXPFL has warned both camps that further mayhem may remove them from the rankings entirely.

Former longtime WXPFL champion The Bird declined to participate in the tournament, invoking a clause in his contract that would allow him to face “Balls Deep” Brian Chesbrough in a pre-tournament match for #1 contendership and a title shot to be taken immediately following the main tournament at WXPFL VII.

“Big Time” Bill Bates has had his suspension lifted as a requirement of the ongoing sexual harassment suit brought against WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV by Bill Bate’s cousin “Cruel” Summer. He did not adance in the tournament however.