(PENCIL) Breaking News! Audience member Balls Deep beats The Bird!

In an upset victory, randomly chosen audience member Balls Deep (Brian Chesbrough) not only won the WXPFL tournament, but went on to beat 4-time standing champion The Bird!

Many thought The Bird would never be defeated. Many others thought it was a miracle The Bird was able to keep his title and the trophy this long, since his pencil was so battered from his many mighty fights. Now only time will tell if Balls Deep will be able to defend the title and go on to his own long reign.

In the secondary main event, The Asshole Brothers took on The San Juan Island Savage in a rare and dangerous Ticonderoga Triple Threat Match which devolved into mayhem and resulted in referee Rolff Matthias getting a faceful of curry powder. However, the San Juan Island Savage overpowered the Asshole Brothers and their entire entourage and regained his Ju Ju Bone!